10 Things We All Hate About Anxiety and Depression
Hey mommy. I do not frequently use the word hate. It is such an aggressive word. Gives me a bad vibe. BUT…I will gladly repeat it, I hate anxiety and depression. In this blog post, I will share the top 10 things I hate about anxiety and depression. I am bold enough and will dare to say these are the 10 things we all hate about anxiety and depression. Let me know if you can relate.
Anxiety and Depression are a Serious Issue
As you know, anxiety and depression a very serious issue that has recently drawn a lot of awareness. However, the awareness is limited in itself. You see, the hate that I developed for this deadly duo for stealing my life was intense. This deadly duo was robbing me of me. It sent me on a journey to deep discovery for a solution to overcome anxiety and depression once and for all.
After speaking with many moms, they have related to these top 10 things so I am sharing the list to see if anyone else can relate. As a bonus, I’m including some little tips on how I overcame each one. These are baby steps you can take today. Here’s the list of the 10 things we hate about anxiety and depression, especially as moms.
10 Things We All Hate About Anxiety and Depression
#1. You’re always exhausted and have a massive lack of energy or desire to do anything.
Check it out. So, I was this crazy clean freak. I focused all my energy on keeping clean so the outside world wouldn’t judge me. Also, to hide from my kids how terribly anxiety and depression were destroying me. Many people assume that exhaustion looks like a dirty house. Exhaustion can look the exact opposite as well. I invested my time and energy into the house and cleaning and working to avoid connection with the kids or any other person. I had a massive lack of energy or desire to go out and play or socialize. The thought alone was overwhelming.
Exhaustion and lack of desire and energy look different for everyone. Some moms, cannot clean or they cannot even get out of bed. For others, the thought of working is exhausting or the thought of socializing is too much. And others, cannot connect with anyone.
Finding an outlet to avoid that one task usually takes over and masks anxiety and depression. So much so that many outsiders can’t even tell you experience anxiety and depression because you smile and keep up that societal expectation. The entire time you are mentally, spiritually, and soulfully checked out.
TIP: Always remember too much of anything is not good for you. Notice if there’s something that you automatically do to avoid another task. Then stop and journal how you’re feeling about the task you would rather do and why you would rather do that and then journal what you are avoiding and how that task makes you feel. Then ask why you desperately need to avoid that. Then go next level and how and why that next thing makes you feel until you reach five levels of how and whys. Take your time to break down the levels, don’t overwhelm yourself. You will be amazed at what you discover at level 4.
#2. You constantly feel like you are trapped in an endless cycle of feeling numb.
The cycle of abuse is well known. You have your honeymoon stage, tension build-up, and the dreaded explosion. The cycle becomes familiar and unbelievably can create false hope. You begin to become numb to the abuse and false beliefs that you are trapped here settling deep within you. But then the honeymoon phase comes, and you begin to live for those moments that become less and less. That’s what makes it so hard to get out of the abusive relationship. It becomes familiar, you become numb, and false beliefs become part of who you are now. You live for small, happy moments.
I’m calling it for what it is. Anxiety and depression create the exact same cycle. You begin to live life for the small, happy moments. You are fully aware that life’s challenges and battles are going to come and your self-critic is going to guilt you. Eventually, anxiety and depression are going to knock you on your toosh. And as a mom, you know that you can’t afford to keep going on in this cycle. You want out. You seek help and get a quick fix and you convince yourself you’re okay again. Living for that one okay or happy moment. You become trapped and numb to the cycle believing this is all that’s left for you. I hate this, we hate this about anxiety and depression.
TIP: If you find yourself in this cycle, it’s time to take a “time out”. You need some quality time every day to remember who you really are. You can start with 5 minutes a day and then build up. Take a few breaths in counting backward 5,4,3,2,1. Close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing that. Picture yourself going back in time to a moment when you were confident and happy. What did you look like? Who was with you? What was the environment like? How did it smell? What was going on? Were you smiling? Can you smile now?
You feel that energy. That’s still you beneath all those layers of build-up that have created that tension. You are still that bold, beautiful, and brilliant person. You deserve more moments like those. You are worth that!!
#3. No one understands you or what’s happening to you. Hell, you don’t even understand it most of the time.
Number three on this list of things we hate about anxiety depression is the dreaded question, “Are you okay?” This question makes us liars. Why? Because saying, I’m okay or I will be okay or it will be okay, is so much easier than trying to explain to someone else what we are experiencing. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve heard, “the meds aren’t working? I thought you were talking to someone or you should try something different-maybe you’re making it more than what it is.” Who the hell wants to share how they feel when you assume these are the next responses?
How do you say – I don’t know what’s wrong because everything is just too much. Or even, when things are okay I don’t feel it. I don’t know why nothing is working for me. It sounds so hopeless and rude and dramatic. Maybe you even got lucky and found a person that will let you vent but they have this look of pity because they can’t relate. No, no, no. It’s easier to stay silent. That’s why no one understands you or what’s happening to you. Hell, you don’t even understand it most of the time, made it on the list.
TIP: Others don’t understand because you don’t understand. If you want to understand what you’re experiencing with anxiety and depression you have to get to know yourself at this very moment. Mommyhood makes life super busy and it’s easy to lose yourself in the mix of being everything to everyone else. Stop avoiding digging in deep. Do one thing every day that you did before that made any one of your senses heightened. Good classic music, the smell of cookies or flowers, the touch of the sun on your skin, a sweet taste or even just looking at the beautiful creations you made; your kiddos.
#4. There’s this knowing of what you want to do and need to do but also this insane overwhelm that stops you from doing anything.
Here’s the reality of being a mom that experiences anxiety and depression. You know you don’t have time to be disabled by this deadly duo. There is a clear understanding of what you need to do and you may even want to do those things. But there is this insane overwhelm that stops you from doing anything and that damned little voice that convinces you that it’s not worth it.
And if you have the strength to push through it anyways, the first unexpected thing to happen or any unwanted results, there goes that guilt kicking in full force. So what happens here? The next time you have to do something similar, you are going to dread it and it’s going to trigger some bad emotions.
TIP: Your mind is designed to protect you. If it senses that something is triggering “bad” feelings that are overwhelming you then it’s going to think it needs to protect you. It takes on the role of “mom for your body”. It will shut you down and remove the possibility of achieving that thing. What do you do?
Go after what you want to do but simplify it into smaller steps. For example, I have a sink full of dishes that I have to wash, yuck. Instead of focusing on ALL of the dishes, break them down. First focus on the utensils. Get those done. Then maybe take a break, put some music on, or wipe down the counters. Next, wash the cups and glasses. Now you can put away the utensils and feel good that you completed that. Next, you can do the plates and bowls. Finally, you can put away the cups and glasses. Wow, you completed all of those dishes already!! If you have any pots or pans I would wait until you can put away the cups and glasses. But check it out-you’ve already done so much and you didn’t overwhelm yourself!
#5. You know how you’re feeling is not how you want to feel, especially as a mom.
Someone very close to me always would give me an example “whenever you feel those moments what you need to do is think of how bad others have it and be grateful for what you have. It can always be worse.” I knew that this comment was coming from a place of love. Truth was, always knew I had a decent life. That had nothing to do with what I was experiencing. Thinking of others having it worse than me did not make me feel better. It actually made my guilt and shame intensify. That is why, you know how you’re feeling is not how you want to feel, especially as a mom, has made it onto the list of 10 things we all hate about anxiety and depression.
Anxiety and depression made me feel overwhelmed, exhausted, mom guilt, and not like myself. Who wants to purposely feel that, especially as a mom? I wanted to feel good and excited and to have the energy to be a fun mom. How do you change that?
TIP: In order to be all of those things as a mom you have to fill your cup until it overflows with an abundance of energy. You have to create a simple routine to increase the flow of positive energy in your life. But first, you have to know who you are now and what those things are that light you up from within. From there you build that energy and create momentum. You will be amazed how quickly life begins to take a turn and everyone says WOW.
#6. No matter how much you try to be strong and talk yourself out of the moment, it doesn’t work.
The problem with anxiety and depression is that everyone tells you it’s a mental illness. Take some meds and talk about it and you will be okay. Well, what happens when that doesn’t work? Oh wait, it’s because you need to have a strong mindset. Ummm, no. What you experience with the deadly duo is not something you can talk yourself out of for the moment. I’ve tried that. And admittedly, it can reduce its impact at the moment. However, the moment that something happens again, as it does in mommyhood, now its effect is twice as impactful.
Hello, downward spiral because now I’m just too weak to overcome the moment. Do this instead.
TIP: Acknowledge everything you are experiencing. Embrace that you are still working on yourself. Maybe you need a little extra help to get through that moment. Text a friend or family member or reach out on a Facebook group. Get your mind to focus on something else. Sometimes as you write that message you realize, aha, I know how to resolve this on my own! It’s a beautiful thing.
#7. It’s for attention.
This is one of most things we hate about anxiety and depression. Many people believe that you allow the symptoms of anxiety and depression to take control of your life for attention. Anyone that believes that anxiety and depression are for attention clearly has no clue what the deadly duo can do to a person.
Do you need attention because of what you experience with anxiety and depression? YES.
But it’s not that type of attention. You need to give yourself attention and love mom. I know it’s hard with everything you have to get done but guess what. No matter how much you believe that everything will fall apart if you don’t do one thing – it won’t.
TIP: Be patient and kind to yourself. Take time to get really intimate with yourself and connect with the warrior within you. There is a warrior duo that exists within you that will kick the crap out of anxiety and depression. Awaken that warrior. After all, look how far you have already come.
#8. Everything you try doesn’t seem to work so something is seriously wrong with you.
What has worked for many does not work for you. What is wrong with you? You are a special kind of special right? Everything you try doesn’t seem to work so something is seriously wrong with YOU. STOP!! It’s not you. It’s the destruction and chaos and confusion that anxiety and depression creates. Every person on this earth is uniquely designed and has their own unique purpose. Why would you for one second allow ourself to believe that something is wrong with you because meds, therapy, exercise, etc do not work for you?
Maybe it’s really that you don’t have the entire solution or even the right order of doing them. Maybe you are a special kind of special and what you need is super special. That’s what happened to me. The great news is that when I found this brilliant way to overcome anxiety and depression the results were a life living energetically alive and fiercely free to be me, the best person and mom I can be and I grow every day.
TIP: Instead of focusing on what’s wrong in a situation, try focusing on ONE thing that is unique to you that you can do to shift the direction of that situation.
#9. Your self-critic never lets you live down the mom guilt.
Can you be your own most critical self-critic? As moms, we usually hold ourselves to an extremely high standard. Whenever you don’t meet those standards your self-critic never lets you live down the mom guilt. It’s the idea that you are strong enough, you are capable of more, and you need to be perfect because you can be. Anxiety and depression feed off this so much that it will land you into a deep, dark hole of hopelessness because you constantly feel like a failure and disappointment. That is why this one has earned itself a spot on the 10 things we hate the most about anxiety and depression.
TIP: I go back to the old saying on this one…because you can do something does not mean you should!
#10. You can only manage the symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Excuse me while I clear my throat. BULLSHXT!
Such a limiting belief society has created by making it seem that you can only manage the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Also, the only way is to do this with medicine and therapy. Check it out, if we never thought outside the box where would innovation be?
Anxiety and depression have been around for ages. Medicine to treat anxiety and depression has been around for less than a century. Therapy was around longer if you consider the insane asylums and cruel treatments due to the misunderstanding of anxiety and depression. With that, I am bold enough to say there’s a lot to still be understood and we are all proof of that. There is more hope than believing that you can only manage the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Mommy, you mean so much in this world and you have a huge responsibility because you hold so much power and authority within. That’s why the battles and challenges of life attack you the way they do through anxiety and depression.
It’s time to clear the confusion, chaos, and destruction and it’s time to awaken the warrior within.
TIP: Manage the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Do what you have to do. No judgment here because doctors are very smart. However, you keep finding your unique way to overcome anxiety and depression. You can do it alone. But if you prefer a little guidance and support, I got you!
Closing
Depression and anxiety, the deadly duo, are no joke. It’s very frustrating not being able to explain to those you love the most what’s going on. Hell, you don’t get it most of the time. It’s not anything anyone wants to purposely experience or does to themselves. However, there is a better way and an answer that will help you address the deadly duo and overcome the challenges they bring. You can be the mom you know you are within. The one you truly desire to be. Wishing you success with the small action steps provided. Until next time 🙂
All In All
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