Beyond Medication & Therapy:  My Experience of Surviving A Suicide Attempt

What do you do when anxiety and depression medications or traditional therapy don’t work for you?  For me, desperation settled in like a tick sucking life out of its food source.  This is my experience of surviving a suicide attempt.  The experience was terrible.  It was also awakening to what others experience.  The journey allowed me to discover a natural way to end the battle against anxiety and depression.  The connection was the most miraculous, life-saving experience ever.  Here I share my raw, vulnerable experience of surviving a suicide attempt, beyond medication & therapy.

My Experience:  Surviving a Suicide Attempt

My heart began to slow down, and my breathing became harder.  I was slipping away. Was this really happening? Laying in bed alone, reality raised a panic from deep within me.  In the next room were my daughters, son, and significant other.  However, they were not the people I needed at that moment.  I picked up the phone and called my sister.  From there everything was a blur.

The next thing I remember was being furious at a male doctor that I was speaking with.  He had asked me what was going on.  And it all came rushing back like a Tasmanian devil.  The desperation had finally kicked in and I did the unthinkable, a suicide attempt. And I survived.  

This man in his white coat, who didn’t even know me made me angrier than I had been in a long time.  He stood there looking at his tablet.  His words that “anyone with seven kids would reach their breaking point” triggered me.  How could he assume he had the slightest clue to why I attempted suicide? I used my loud, intoxicated voice to explain my kids were not the issue.  In truth, it was EVERYTHING that was the issue.

I would soon realize that this would be the first of many things to stir up emotions within me of anger. Anger was the first emotion of my experience surviving a suicide attempt. An emotion I would learn to appreciate as it led to a discovery beyond medication and therapy.

Trip to the Mental Hospital

The hot bath with two bottles of wine and a bottle of oxycodone almost claimed my life.  It landed me three days in the hospital and three days in the mental hospital.  There was bleeding in my kidneys and yet when I got to the mental hospital, they immediately put me on medications. Surviving a suicide attempt had its consequences.

Surviving a suicide attempt was terrible.  The trip to the mental hospital was the worst. It felt like I was just another person searching for attention and needing medication. Not to mention, it was not optional. Yet you always hear, “If they kill themselves it’s nobody’s fault but their own. There’s nothing you could have done.” I couldn’t understand why I was obligated to this trip to the mental hospital.

The first stop during my trip to the mental hospital involved a strip-search.  My jewelry, cell phone, and clothing were taken.  All I had on was a gown which made me feel exposed.  There were male employees all around. Talk about uncomfortable! 

Every woman there told me of ways to get out faster.  Many had been there many times.  Most of the women there couldn’t understand why I was there. I felt ashamed so I let them make up their own stories. They assumed that I must be there because of a breakup.

The Psych Doctor

After the first night, I was able to see the psychiatrist.  The psych doctor was relatively fast. He asked me a few questions such as employment, family, what happened, etc.  He wrote down a few notes and looked up at me for a few moments.

He disclosed that the ER doctor diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and as a manic depressive.  I asked if he had a degree to do so. It was disclosed that the ER doctor was a general doctor. However, he was qualified to make such a diagnosis interim.

WHAT?!*

That’s the diagnosis because I disagreed the issue was my kids and told him how I felt? And he talked to me for an entire ten minutes? All I could do was shake my head and end the thought.

The psych doctor responded that from what he could see, I simply had a mild case of depression.  We would talk again and he would make his final decision.  “Oh yeah”, he said, “make sure to take your medications.”

The Experience

The experience felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.  What did I get myself into?  I called my significant other and explained the situation.  He tried to get me out of the mental hospital because it wasn’t helping. But without legal standing, we were not married, there was nothing he could do.  He called my mom, and they came up to the mental hospital together.  I needed to wait until the psychiatrist’s diagnosis. 

It was a total of three days before I left.  What I did learn from the experience was that women were in there for different reasons. Some women were homeless and there for a safe place to sleep.  Some were addicted to the drugs previously prescribed. What easier way to get a free supply.  Others were really in need of help. 

The number of times they were in there repeatedly made me question the success rate.  And then there was me.  What the hell was wrong with me? I survived a suicide attempt. Why did I do that? Depression had always been manageable. How could I risk leaving my kids alone?

I took those three days to really look deep into what happened.  I figured some things out, but I was still so confused about others.  Nonetheless, I accepted the medications prescribed and the diagnosis of mild depression.  I checked out and went to work the very next day.  I continued my visits with my psychiatrist and kept up with my medications.  The overwhelm, guilt, and exhaustion continued. My experience of surviving a suicide attempt, went beyond medication & therapy.

Labels of Anxiety and Depression

Desperation settled in like a tick sucking life out of its source of food.  It took me way too long to learn that doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists are imperfect people just like you and me.  Their intention is to do the best they can with the information they have.  They also need to fulfill their financial needs just as you do when you go to work.  They too can get it all wrong! 

The fact that meds and traditional therapy don’t work for you is not a reflection on you.  It reflects the lack of understanding of anxiety and depression.  To be transparent, I believe that the labels of anxiety and depression do not serve us.  How can they?

These labels were created by a room full of doctors who shared our personal information to find commonalities.  They decided to create a name for the symptoms that we experienced.  Many of our symptoms they decided had to do with the way we process thoughts.  Our brain helps us process thoughts, so a medication was created.  It so happens that this medication also helps with the symptoms of anxiety and depression.  Perfect!  If we can simply make them feel less and think more logically, they function.  Yay!

From my experience, you can see I went from manic depression and bipolar disorder to mild depression to depression and anxiety in a matter of months.  And the medications and dosages were insane. 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I am not opposed to medications or therapy.  If they work for you, sweet!  This is for us moms for whom medications and traditional therapy do not work.  We are a special and rare type of fighter against the struggle for anxiety and depression.  Our experience of surviving anxiety and depression go beyond medication & therapy. And I will share exactly what you need.

What Do You Need?

So, what do you need then? Beyond medication and therapy what is there?

You need someone who understands the struggles to survive anxiety and depression and who has come out on the other side of it without medication and traditional therapy.  Someone who doesn’t speak from a place of perfection or better than.  A person, a mom, that speaks from a place of experience.

Someone who has your best interest at heart.  Whose only goal is to reduce the suicide rates among moms and families alike.  A simple glance at the statistics will show you that big pharma does not intend anxiety and depression to be resolved anytime soon.  You will also find that the age range of those being diagnosed with anxiety and depression is younger and younger.  Also, suicide rates are increasing.   

The time has come to turn the tables and discover something that works. No more suicides or suicide attempts.

What Can Change In Life?

In my experience of surviving a suicide attempt, beyond medication & therapy it is crucial to end the fierce struggle to survive anxiety and depression. Ending the battle with anxiety and depression has led to being able to create the life I want to live.  A life being energetically alive every day and fiercely free to be me and loved unconditionally.  The best way to describe it is W.O.W. 

Can you imagine living life with clear direction and purpose?  Every action you take is wonderfully powerful and fulfills your vision.  Or knowing that life is not going to ease up yet there’s this insane optimism within you that is ready to take it on with confidence.   Confidence for you to stand your ground with this brilliant light from within you.  Your daily energy is resilient because you have found your strength in the most beautiful connection you’ve ever known.  And with all these connections, you face life’s challenges and battles with an empowered warrior spirit that you’ve always had within you. 

You, yes you my dear, are finally free to create and build the life you want to live.  Passing on stability, and health to your future generations and ending the battle with anxiety and depression naturally. This is the opportunity that my experience of surviving a suicide attempt, beyond medication & therapy has provided me.

360 View

Medications and traditional therapy didn’t work for my anxiety and depression, and they may not work for you.  You are not the problem.  Doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists are imperfect people just like me and you.  You need someone who understands the struggles to survive anxiety and depression and who has come out on the other side of it without medication and traditional therapy. Ending the battle with anxiety and depression has led to being able to create the life I want to live.  You can do it too! This was my experience of surviving a suicide attempt, beyond medication & therapy.

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