About
"I believe that our emotions are our superpower...
I didn’t always see it this way. It has taken me quite a journey to reach this point. To be transparent, I fought the emotional battle for way too long. Being completely exhausted, overwhelmed, and full of guilt that I would fail at providing my kiddos with an emotionally healthy environment was my reality. It was not until I hit rock bottom, seeing the result of my behaviors and emotional reactions, that I decided that I had to take care of myself for them.
Physically I was stressed and exhausted. My weight fluctuated more than the Chicago weather. I was losing hair and low on every vitamin in the alphabet. I was running on fumes from working 60 hours a week, attending every kid sports event, doing my best to be a good wife, helping with homework, and getting less than 6 hours of sleep a night because anxiety would kick into overdrive.
Mentally I was gone. Have you ever had so much on your mind that you “take off” your eyeglasses and can’t remember where you placed them two seconds later? And after asking, um…yelling, at the kiddos to help you find them cause you’re gonna be late you discover they have been on the top of your head the entire time. Yeah, I can’t tell you how many times that happened. But, it was another cup of coffee and off to getting things accomplished. Why? Because success does not wait on those who are weak. Had to keep getting things done. If I didn’t do them, who would?
Emotionally I was dying. I denied, ignored, and buried every emotion I had. Every cry out for attention was taken as a sign of mental weakness. Who has time for that? Women are always too emotional anyway, right? If I could just keep busy those emotions would pass and I would forget about them. And to be honest, it worked for a very long time. Until it didn’t anymore and then my glass house shattered into a million tiny, sharp pieces.
In the Name of Being A Good Mom
I lived a life full of tragedy, challenges, and battles. Understanding what had created the sense of defeat in my life was easy. My single biggest goal in life was to be a good mom. I had already failed at achieving so many of my goals that this was one I could not afford to be bad at.
Every decision I made and every struggle I endured I did it in the name of my kiddos’ best interest. I pushed harder, never quit, and endured more than any one person should need to. Denying myself peace, comfort, restoration, and a moment to feel anything but strong all in the name of being a mom. That was the most damaging lie I ever convinced myself of.
And trust that there were many lies I convinced myself of to make it through. It wasn’t until I realized that “making it through” is not the way any mother should live. Sure, there will be moments that “making it through” is necessary. Living in that place of constant fight is not. The hardest reality is that accepting that you have to live in that state, “all in the name of being a good mom”, is the heaviest burden you will ever place on your kiddos – even if it is unintentional.
How can someone who sincerely loves you, watch you as your brilliant light within begins to dim, fade, and disappear and accept that it’s all because you “love” them? All in the name of being a good mom? What lesson would they learn about love? What vision are you creating of what a good mom is?
The Moment of Reality
Every experience I had in my journey my kiddos were with me. They saw me cry as I stayed in an abusive relationship trying to keep a family together. Those overwhelming moments that I thought I had control of showed themselves as anger and frustration. The nights of no sleep creating exhaustion came across as insincere interest in those things most important to the most important people in my life. Taking on the financial responsibility so my kiddos had a home and their basic needs were met presented as a job is more important. My worst fears had become a reality. I was a “bad” mom.
I fell apart and earned myself the amazing labels of anxiety and depression. The lab rat experiments began and created more damage in my relationships. By the time I had realized what was going on I had four young adult sons and my heart was in pieces because nothing was working for me. I was an EMOTIONAL WRECK.
Looking at my younger children I realized that I had a massive change to make in my life. I was hurting the people I had sacrificed my entire life for. I barely had any relationship with my older children because of the hurt. My daughters were getting older fast. And that’s when I decided – I had to take back control of my life, my happiness. Waiting on doctors and meds to “fix” me was getting me nowhere. Doing nothing but being a martyr was not working. I got to work and put in massive hours that shined a bright light during a very dark moment.
Time to Start Creating The Life I Truly Wanted to Live
The reality was that I had built a life, what I envisioned as a beautiful home and connected family, in a rush and with no clue of what I wanted to create. I began creating and building my life and my family on a weak foundation and with no real structure. I was simply handling it day by day. Facing every challenge as it appeared. But there was no clear vision other than survive.
All I knew was that I would LOVE them with everything I had. And my intention to love should be enough.
Here are the hardest self-discoveries I made throughout my journey of change:
- Being a “better” parent than yours is not a healthy goal to have while raising your kiddos
- I had transformed my self-sabotage into being a mom martyr because I had no clue what self-love was
- Denying, hiding, and suppressing your emotions create unintentional and harmful reactions and behaviors
- I did not know who I was. I did not understand my emotions. I no longer trusted myself.
- Loving myself was the first lesson I needed to learn so that I could genuinely love others.
- I could no longer look for validation or fulfillment in my life from external sources, I had to find it within myself and for myself
- This life is more than simply my mindset. I had to take time to connect to my inner true self. My soul and my spirit. My mind and my body. Most importantly, my emotional well-being had to take priority.
- I had to find my one trusted source of resilient strength; God.
Surviving and fighting through life will exhaust you. It will create anger and resentment. The road to disappointment is likely. Doing it in the name of being a mom, being a martyr, leads to damaged relationships and overwhelming guilt will build. The rollercoaster of emotions was not one of fun and excitement.
After realizing all that had to change and making the shifts, my life became energetically alive and fiercely free of my emotional self-sabotage. I was able to change what I saw in my life. It changed how I felt about my life and my thoughts naturally transitioned. When my thoughts transitioned, my behaviors and actions were within my control. What’s better is that my energy was free-flowing and abundant to create the life I truly wanted. A life and legacy full of love and inspiration.
I no longer needed to survive or fight. Every action was one of a warrior with a clear plan guided by trust, love, and optimism. I learned how to create the life I wanted to live. My life and family dynamic changed. I learned to genuinely connect and love myself in my entirety. My life is now one of empowerment.
Natural Healing
The determination to let go of the labels and find natural healing led me to a world of wisdom. Although I do appreciate doctors and medications they did not work for me. The crazy side effects and endless therapy sessions were not a life for me. So, I studied everything from spirituality to energetics, NLP to CBT, and emotional and mental well-being. I read and keep reading every book I can get my hands on. The many learned techniques and holistic approaches accompanied by the long list of certifications awakened me to my W.O.W. (Wonderfully Optimistic Warrior). I would have never imagined the results I would achieve with my newfound obsession or passion ;). The healthy, stable connections made are the things you only dream of.
But there was one small problem that kept nagging me…
If I was a stressed out mom who experienced this...how many others were out there struggling too?
That is why I am now on a new part of my journey to help empower moms from all walks of life to empower their emotional well-being to create a life and legacy of love and inspiration using my innovative and holistic program. Life offers many challenges and battles. Fighting your emotions is not one you need to fight any longer.
It’s time to know, understand, and love yourself. So you can love your kiddos and others genuinely!
Let’s heal that disconnection together.
You just mean that much to me.
-Luz, The Mommy Empowerment Coach
